Grad school is like high school for adults (in the best way)
Letting go of the worst qualities I developed in college and re-embracing the best qualities I lost from high school
When thinking about your K-12 experience, you may imagine putting on a blindfold, throwing a handful of darts, and seeing what sticks–you’re developing passions and discovering who you are. When thinking of your experience from high school to graduate school, however, you may imagine yourself sliding down a funnel–at one end, a teenager with a burning passion to become a marine biologist that does pottery and professional football on the side; at the other end, a young adult grappling with choosing a subtopic of a topic you’re passionate about for grad school. However, my experience in grad school has actually been quite different. Since I started my PhD in 2023, I’ve felt like I’m in high school again–I’ve ditched my hyper-focused mentality from college and allowed myself to let loose like a teenager.
I was in my senior year of high school when I started my quest to become the perfect student. While in college I tried my best to be a hyper-focused academic weapon, studying hard to go to graduate school. In a way, my mentality in college was working to prove myself to somebody. I wanted people to see my high GPA and think I was qualified. Qualified for what, exactly? I have no idea. I was anxious that my peers/TAs/professors were all just as obsessed with my academic performance as I was–I wanted them to think I had ‘it’ and that each assignment was designed to assess whether I had the X factor or not. This mentality led to me sticking to what I was best at, and putting ‘riskier’ pursuits on the backburner. For example, I would be too scared to take electives I might not get an A in or not dedicate time for extracurricular activities due to the drain it would have on my study time. This is the exact opposite of what I did in high school! Before going to graduate school, I was nervous that this undergrad grind would continue, which is a major reason why I chose to take a gap year.
After getting accepted into MIT’s Biological Engineering (BE) PhD program, I became fixated on finding the perfect lab to do my PhD in. I looked up all of the professors in BE, read their detailed descriptions, read a couple of recent publications from each lab, and delighted in imagining how I could play a part in advancing their fields one baby step at a time. This mentality was very similar to the one I had in college.
When I arrived on campus in September, I realized I’d had it all wrong–the best part of getting a PhD at MIT isn’t continuing to specialize, it’s reversing the funneling done in college. I don’t think this reversal is applicable to the academic requirements I’ve had to pursue in BE (i.e., my academic focus is still narrower than in college), but instead being free of my perfectionist mentality. One of my top priorities is myself now–my development as a scientist and a person, which was stunted by my college years.
During BE’s orientation week for new grad students, I realized how laid back graduate school can be. For example, your GPA in graduate school likely doesn’t matter nearly as much as in college–you’re training to be a well-rounded scientist, not to do well in school; you’re pursuing your interests every step of the way; you’re in control of the pace and load of your work; you’re your own manager. Being quite an independent person, all of this newly granted freedom was music to my ears. Much like in high school, I can take whatever classes I want, allocate loads of free time to myself, and most importantly pursue crazy ideas that risk making a fool out of myself. After all, I don’t have anything to prove to anybody–I’m getting a PhD and becoming a scientist for myself.
So what have I done with all this freedom? I’ve reverted to that teenager in high school that wants to be a marine biologist that does pottery and professional football on the side. I’m not taking myself too seriously anymore and I’m having a blast discovering things I love that I wouldn’t let myself discover in college (more on those in a future post!). I’ve reembraced having a social life and staying out late. I don’t care nearly as much whether others are judging me and started expressing myself more. I’m pursuing risky ventures like starting a biotech company. I’m blogging! All of this is to say, I feel like graduate school has allowed me to loosen up a lot and focus on discovering and taking care of myself–something I haven’t felt since my time in high school.
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