All by myself
Beating loneliness when you live in a studio
My complete home (containing my sofa, kitchen, and bed) is very compact—370 square feet, to be exact. I live in a studio apartment, where I am the sole occupant of an elongated room containing my full living space. I really like having my own place to return to at the end of the day, but it’s easy to become isolated in this type of setup, particularly during busy times of the semester. I also lived in a studio when I was an undergrad student, and I found that this indeed made me feel lonely at times. In grad school, I’ve become better at taking proactive steps to prevent this.
Entering my one-room home
The first way to avoid being lonely in a studio is to, of course, not live in a studio. For some people, having housemates is preferable in part for this reason, in addition to the fact that you can generally get more space per person for a lower cost when you’re sharing. For me, though, I really prioritize having my own space, and I knew that I wanted a (very tiny) unit to call my own (I’ve been told before that I give off “only child vibes”—I have to admit that’s probably accurate). That being said, it’s important for me to identify ways to avoid feeling lonely.
I interact with a number of people throughout the day at work and in class. This type of social contact is somewhat useful for feeling less alone, but it isn’t sufficient for feeling truly connected. Meeting with friends or lab mates for interactions that go beyond work, like for dinner or to explore the city, helps me. Even if arranging social outings can feel unnatural to introverts like myself, I’ve found that it can really make me feel connected and is something I’ve tried to prioritize more. For instance, I’ve set up dinners with friends and labmates at my favorite restaurant, Life Alive Café, and I’ve made it a priority to attend lab parties and dinners.
I’ve found that it’s easier for me to be motivated to be social when the weather is nice—during the summer, I’m much more willing to arrange and attend get-togethers than when there are 40 mile-per-hour winds blowing outside. This will be my first summer in Cambridge, and I’m looking to take advantage of the warm days to spend more time outside. Kayaking on the Charles or attending a run club are two activities I might try. I’m looking forward to having more time to spend with friends and my lab group while classes aren’t in session.
How I live in my building itself is important too. I live in on-campus housing, which has made all the difference in preventing a single-occupant unit from feeling isolating. Almost everyone in my building is another MIT grad student, meaning that many of the people I see in the elevator, gym, lounge, and bike room are experiencing the grad student life too. I often run into people I know when walking down the street to or from the building, and even these brief moments of interaction make me feel less alone. Even though I am the only person in my unit, I feel that my friends are nearby and within reach.
It’s also helpful to feel connected to the staff and administrators of my building. I know the names of most of the front-desk staff, and they know mine. Saying hello and goodbye as I enter and exit, and having this greeting returned, contributes to the feeling that my building is home (a special thank you to the night security guard who brings in my daily newspaper). Additionally, it brings a sense of security to know that I can contact the staff if there are any problems, such as a leak or a power outage. Part of the loneliness of living on my own comes from the sense of having to solve any issue independently, which is ameliorated when I know that there are other people in the building who are able to assist if needed.
Spending time in the common spaces in my building, while not as fulfilling as going out with friends, can be a way to get some brief interaction when I don’t feel like heading out. I’ll sometimes go down to the lounge to write letters or spend some time on my laptop, just to see if there’s anyone who wants to chat. Most evenings I also call my family. Phone calls to other people who live on their own can be especially rewarding, since I know that the call is helping each of us to feel less alone (looking at you, Grandma). I’ll often play music as I prepare dinner in the evenings, which provides some background sound so that it isn’t eerily quiet.
Living in a studio can be a comfortable choice for introverts like me who need alone time to decompress from the cacophony of life in the city. It requires being cognizant, however, of the risk that my space can become an isolating cocoon. When I reflect on what the most meaningful moments of grad school have been so far, I realize that they nearly all involve other people: attending Professor Gschwend’s lectures (legendary), getting help on a research idea from Elijah, walking along the Charles with Katie, shopping at the farmer’s market with Ethan, and eating at Life Alive with the ChemE group are some that come to mind. A few special solo moments include some wonderful runs to Fresh Pond reservoir and across Longfellow Bridge. Reaching out to others, and accepting their invitations to go out, can feel like more effort than just doing something alone. But the rewards can be immense, and they can make it well worth it. Life in a studio can easily become isolating, but by reaching out to others, I’ve iteratively found that I can build and develop connections to my community and friends here in Cambridge.
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